God's Promise: A Reflection On Why Doubt Is Important For Our Faith

I walk in the wilderness and feel empty, lonely, isolated, afraid —whatever we choose to call this feeling that presses against our faith and causes us to doubt sometimes the most basic things about ourselves. This wilderness is a metaphor often used to describe just that — the feeling of being lost and uncertain if we will ever make our way out. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Who does God want me to be? Am I ever doing enough? The questions never seem to end. As we are plagued with doubt, we attempt to answer it all with some deep hope that we can come to some partial or satisfying answer. This answer may not reveal the full truth but hopefully some truth ….. right? No. Sometimes that is not the case at all. My good and loving God, where are you? You tell me that your Son bore the cross for me yet I don’t even see a sign of you, hear a call from you or even feel your presence. This doubt pushes me away and I am not sure what to make of it or how to go about it. Why is this a forgotten promise? Even your Son on the cross asked “My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?”. I constantly hear about your mercy, your never-ending grace, and radical love but it seems so distant, far-away.

I feel like doubt is an inappropriate thing to have. Scripture tells me that I need to remain steadfast in my faith and persevere yet how can I even remain steadfast when I doubt? I am currently reading a book called Faith in the Shadows: Finding Christ in the Midst of Doubtby Austin Fischer. He posits that our whole Christian life we have been taught that doubt is a bad substance. It permeates our faith and causes us to turn a blind eye of what is really important. But if what God allows doubt? What if he allows us to remain temporarily blind so we can permanently see? What if doubt is indeed a positive thing for our faith and we have been taught wrong all along? I’ve never thought about it this way and Austin Fischer raises some very legitimate points. Doubt can lead to so many questions though. Those are just a few of the infinite amount that can arise at any time, place, or manner. But if doubt is truly a beneficial thing to my faith, then how is it so? What do I do from here? Well, what if doubt shows you the reasons why you initially believed? What if doubt shows you what is already familiar while exposing you to the unseen? Can we rely on personal experience to comfort us while we face the uncertain? I think so. How? I have no idea. It’s not the most satisfying answer, I know. Nonetheless, doubt allows for reflection. We are called to examine what we know about ourselves and what we don’t know. The only source that can tell us what we don’t know is the one who does know. But if he knows everything then why doesn’t he tell us everything or at times, something? Because doubt encourages reliance. Scripture is all full of stories based on reliance. The Israelites depended on Moses and ultimately God to deliver them to the promise land. The disciples relied upon Jesus to deliver on the promise of what he foreshadowed to. Jesus relied on his Father, that his purpose was indeed the right one, and the one that the world needed.

“It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them.” Psalm 44:3.

If scripture tells a story of reliance, if our life is based on true love, then does true love contain reliance? I sure hope so. If God truly loves me to the extent that he says he does, then I have no choice but to rely. In the process of dealing with the promise, I have to be honest with myself and what I know about my faith. The unknown is scary yet it may be the unknown that tells me the most about myself. I am scared, truly scared in this vast wilderness. But God I will give everything I have to make sure I trust you. I may fail but I know you love me enough to fill in the gap where I may lose my trust. Show me the familiar so that I can embrace the unfamiliar. Lead with love so that I can follow with faith.

“Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.” Psalm 16:1. Our rock and our refuge, we thank you Jesus.