Identity Matters

In the 3rd grade, my teacher pulled me to the back of the classroom, behind our cubbies where we stored our backpacks, to tell me something. I thought I had been in trouble, and being the perfectionist student that I was, I remained perplexed as to what I possibly could’ve done wrong. But in fact what I feared was the opposite. My teacher had pulled me aside to tell me that what she saw in me was something special, that I was smart, had a knack for caring and loving other students, and that if I remained true to who I was, that I could aspire to do anything I set my mind to. That was a moment early on in my childhood where someone explained to me a characteristic that was true to how I was created to be, something that was central to my identity.

I am currently reading a book Scary Close by Donald Miller which details the importance of finding real intimacy in life by embracing your true self. When we tend to drop the act and embrace the risk of not being in total control of our life and our relationships, according to Miller, is when we experience what real love looks like. And in a world where we constantly feel pressured to perform or put on a show that draws the attention of others, we tend to sometimes lose our own perception of who we really are and who God created us to be. I am certainly guilty of that and the more I read Donald’s book, the more I am reminded that my identity matters.

In my past, I was always the kid who tried to do well in everything that I did. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing as I always held myself to high standards. My parents were always there to support me and encourage me whether it be in school, sports, band, etc. While I came to realize things that I was good at and things I wasn’t, I still longed for something more. I couldn’t quite grasp what it was but the more I filled my time, the more I realized that it wasn’t pleasure or contentment, but rather I wanted my life to have a sense of meaning or identity. I didn’t want to know what I was good at but rather what I was created for and why I mattered. Even at soon to be 22 years of age, this is a question that I continue to wrestle with. I tend to think sometimes that this is a question many people will carry for quite a while, even in their later years. I often hear people of an older age tell me that they’re 50 or 60 years old and still not sure of what they want to do with their life. I can’t tell if they’re being serious or making conversation, but I’m sure there is some bit of truth to that statement, even if they do or don’t want to admit it.

In essence, I think this sense of belonging or purpose ultimately boils down to a part of our core that makes up a big part of who we really are. Even Tom Brady, who now has 6 super bowl rings, said in an interview a few years ago that despite of all of his championship wins, he still feels that there is something out there that is better or greater, that there is something more. I admire Tom for saying this and I think it shows our society that this sense of longing is quite real and can really be examined if we start with our identity and how we think about ourselves.

Donald Miller has this great quote where he says “I began to wonder what life would be like if I dropped the act and began to trust that being myself would be enough to get the love I needed …….. Love can’t be earned, it can only be given. And it can only be exchanged by people who are completely true with each other”. But how often do we surround ourselves with people who instead of giving us constant applause, are real with us and tell us the things we need to hear because of their true love for us? And if we are on a path to find our purpose, belonging and meaning, then maybe we can walk that path alongside Jesus by surrounding ourselves with people who are true with us just as we should be true to ourselves. I think we can embrace our identity in many ways and one of them is encountering people who notice the things we need to see and remember about ourselves, and who are bold enough to tell us the truth even in the good and the bad. From this we can grow and learn so much about who we are. We can discover and mold our identity, because we experience love when we live out who we are. So publish who you are and you'll come to know that your identity matters, just as my 3rd grade teacher told me that mine mattered too.

Psalm 139:13-16

For it was you who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. 15 My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.