Unfulfilled: It’s Okay to Not Be Okay & Where We Can Find Contentment

I was sitting in church today, reminiscing on the week I had with the various conversations I shared with others, events around campus I attended, and the vast amounts of readings that were due for classes. It is typical for us to look at planners, see all of the markings and postings on our to-do list, and thinking that there’s just one thing after another that needs to be taken care of. In reality, this is just an illustration of our desires to have a general idea of what needs to be finished, where we need to be headed, and what our plan is. As I finished these thoughts, the pastor puts up the famed question on the screen that he seeks to offer a different perspective on: “Does God have a plan for your life?”. This question is what I have been wrestling with for the past two years. Graduating college in 3 months is nothing short of anxiety-provoking, with people asking me constantly what I want to do next, where I want to be, how long it will take me to get my next goal, etc. All of these are just scratches at the surface of the underlying question as to whether I think God has a plan for my life and if so, what that plan is. While I seem to be all over the place regarding where I want to be and what I want to do, I try to fill that void of uncertainty by keeping myself busy, surrounding myself with people, and finding new tasks to take on. While these can all be healthy and viable things for someone to pursue, I find for myself at least, that these can quickly become a substitute to fill the emptiness inside.

There’s a lot of things I am uncertain about such as my future job, whether God has a future wife in store for me, where I see myself living in the near future, if I pursue graduate school at some point, and the list becomes endless. All of us wrestle with questions and insecurities that leave a gap of vagueness and can also make us feel isolated and forsaken. But it seems as if the makings of society have caused us to feel at times as if it’s not okay to feel this way, that we have to be sure of ourselves and our goals/ambitions, while also shunning away any anxiety, depression, panic or fear that may not only cloud our hopes for a future but also the inner core of who we are and who Jesus created us to be. I was at a weekend for college students over New Year’s Eve at a Young Life camp called Windy Gap, which is one of my favorite places on Earth. There were seminars throughout the weekend that tackled really important life questions that were difficult and complex. One of these seminars focused exactly on how we can reshape the stigma of feeling uncertain, experiencing struggles with mental health, and seeking the help we deserve when we need it the most. The seminar leader who is the wife of someone that has been an incredible mentor in my life, did such a phenomenal job of reminding us that Jesus wants us to know that it is indeed okay to not be okay. Jesus encountered individuals all throughout scripture who experienced struggles and felt brokenness. Jesus bore all of that for us so that we could live a life in a relationship with him where we are fully known and fully loved.

If you saw my last blog post, I mentioned that one of the ethical questions we must ask ourselves is not only “What should I do?” but “What is going on?”. When we address these hard issues that require great discernment, we must always try to approach them through the lens of Jesus, and as a preservation of God’s kingdom. God calls for us to preserve his kingdom by correcting injustice, reforming brokenness, and acknowledging the struggles of everyday life by approaching one another with love. And if Jesus was bold enough to heal the sick, feed the poor, meet the outcast, and see beyond our trials, then I believe we can be strong enough to reach out to those around us and remind them that it is okay to not to be okay, and that furthermore there are resources at our disposal to provide us the help that we need. The gospel stories refer to a point in time where Jesus had just finished performing miracles and engaging with individuals, when a disciple approached him and exclaimed to him that people were looking for him. In a time of rest and prayer, Jesus looked up and informed the disciples that they were to take their belongings and head in another direction. (Mark 1:35-39). The fully divine, yet fully human individual had even taken a moment to pause, rest, and refocus. He knew that it was okay to recollect himself despite all that was around him. I think this is a message for us and for our brothers and sisters to go forth, finding contentment in the message of what Jesus has to offer, and to remind ourselves as well as those around us that it is indeed okay to not be okay, that we don’t have to figure everything out, there is no such thing as complete certainty, and to know that help is there if we seek out the courage to find it, which I am confident that we all can discover.